I was lucky enough to be in the line of totality for the solar eclipse. Gradually things darkened around all of us as we watched the moon engulf the sun. I have been feeling like an impending doom, but also like something big was going to happen for much of the summer season. I have been feeling this expansion and contraction almost simultaniously. This event seem to capture exactly the way I’ve been feeling. There is a beautiful tension between darkness and light right now in my life, but also in our world. Does anyone else feel that? The complexity of life is beautiful. As I expand and try new things in life the past selves of me engulf me, like the moon engulfs the sun. I have been reminded of how I have failed in the past and what I’ve learned. I must reflect on those past selves and honor them, not hide them away in shame and disgust. As I move to shine brighter and feel more confident in my work, the moon is not far behind asking me to not just coast by. It also ask me not to press forward to far without reflecting and looking inward. How can we welcome them both light and dark, expansion and contraction, knowing that they are both love? The light and dark is our heartbeat.
Enlightenment through pain; purposefully putting yourself in pain to come out better..this is shadow work and this is the Tower. Along with drawing the Tower, I have been drawing the Crown Chakra card from The Little Sage Oracle deck. I will tell you something too that I can’t explain, the few times I have had energy work done outside of my own home, I felt like my head could explode. Drawing these cards side by side was like an aha moment and explained why in my experience why there has been so much tension in my head. I have felt this fear sinking too deep into final resting pose in yoga or meditating...like I’ll sink too deep. I have been gripping to control, to not let go, but light aha...it’s like lightening striking the top of your head, your crown. I have been seeking these moments but that doesn’t mean they don’t scare me. I am a planner. I plan everything and actually get fulfillment out of it. I also take pride in learning and knowledge. When something like that happens metaphysically or physically, it’s best to let go and move forward. When these moments happen to you, you may not be seeking it. When someone loses their job, marriage, way of living, they don’t think of enlightenment right away. When a force comes in destroying your normal, it is an opportunity for enlightenment though or it can be if you let it. Even now as I profess there are no bad cards, just opportunities to learn and grow...even spouting that...I still get filled with fear when I draw the Tower and I did draw it this week. Again. People like me who like to plan ahead, don't like things getting out of control. Can any of you relate? I don't like it necessarily but this is my work right now. I was planning on going in order of the Fool’s journey, I honor my intuition above all, so I will not ignore it. So after that very long introduction...we can now go over the Tower.
The Tower is a card about sudden change. It could be change you are seeking by placing yourself purposefully in places of bold healing and shadow work. It could be that something in your life will force you to relinquish control. It could be like the night I drew this card and a minute or so later, two trees fell on my house. The Tower is about working with what you have, taking stock after destruction and moving forward. It's about disappointment turning into relief. It's about living with disappointment and moving on. It's about pain. It's about change. It's about inevitability. It's about letting go. It's about chaos, confusion and your foundation completely falling apart. The important thing though is how we restructure and rebuild despite it. We could hold onto the broken pieces of our home refusing to rebuild but what good what that do? Destruction is opportunity. Pain is opportunity. Feel every bit of it, learn from it and rebuild something more fitting for you now because we constantly evolve. Isn't destruction inevitable? The sooner we let go the better. Phew I need to read this to myself a few times!
Chakra that I am assigning to the Tower: Crown
Mantras for the Tower:
What is happening now?
Three things normally happen when something shocks us. We go numb and ignore it's happened. We grip onto what was refusing to let go. Or we accept and move on. Sometimes for me all those things happen. It's a process of course. It might be a little strange if your house burnt down and you were like "Ah this is fine, I will move forward with beauty and gratitude" My mom's house actually caught fire this last year and I saw her go through this entire process.
There is all sort of ways to grieve but eventually we have to move on. I learned this exercise in my yoga teacher training. You work with a partner and you keep asking them what is happening now and they are to express it with only their body, no words. I think this would be a great exercise to try by yourself and a journal too. So I made this walk through exercise for you. You can listen or here are bullet points:
- Grab your journal.
- Take several deep breaths and get comfortable.
- Start writing just one or two words at a time.
- What sounds do you hear?
- What do you see?
- What does the temperature feel like?
- What does the light around you feel like?
- What are you thinking about?
- What is happening now? Remember to keep this short, one word or two.
- What do you feel in your body?
- Your shoulders?
- Your stomach?
- Your eyes?
- Your ears?
- Feet? Hands?
- Legs? Hips?
- Pelvis? Hips?
- What is happening now?
- After you do this exercise, get up and get water.
- Now digest what you wrote, putting the words into sentences, even cutting them up and randomly putting them together if you like.
- Embrace the meaning through chaos. Develop tools to work with what your life is now. Look at the Magician Self Care post for ideas.
What am I afraid of?
I spoke a little about this already, but change is something that I can only handle well if it is planned and researched very well. The thing is that life obviously doesn't work like that and that can be scary. I also mentioned that I purposefully am beginning to embrace fear as a way of practicing. Acknowledging our fears and allowing them to exist without controlling us is actually kind of difficult for some of us. Some of us...ahem me...would rather be the lion they are and pretend they aren't afraid. But I am afraid of things and if I don't admit that I am not allowing the fear to transform into something else. Fear can transform into courage. Fear can transform into boldness. I'll be honest with you, the further I step into doing this for a living, the more things I do that I am afraid of. I do them anyway though and it's changing me. A tiptoe out becomes a full step into a bold self I barely recognize. Fear is an indication that something really matters, like this website and business does to me. Fear is also an indication of being stuck., like my crown chakra headaches. So again, journal on this. What are you afraid of? How does it control you? Can this fear become boldness? Fear that something will happen to the life you carefully ordered is pretty useless because something will happen. This is life, so how can you face fear a bit better
- Find a safe place to burn some stuff up.
- Get some pieces of paper and a pencil.
- Write all that has happened in your Tower moment, your fears, your control.
- Burn it.
- As you burn it. State "I let go...(insert what your wrote here)
- On new pieces of paper write what you embrace instead and what you have to work with now.
- Put them somewhere special and read over them often.
I wish you the best of luck embracing chaos and relinquishing control. If you'd like extra support rebuilding I offer a service called Groundwork. This is very much a client based program but by using all the knowledge and experimenting I’ve done myself, I can partner with you and support your vision.