Love is connection of all the hideous and the beautiful and saying YOU ARE SAFE.
Can we be safe spaces for each other in 2018?
Can we be safe spaces for ourselves in 2018?Read More
When I was in maybe 3rd or 4th grade, I got a perservence award. I mean they weren't wrong...I have always been one to stubbornly work hard no matter what the obstacle. I worked hard in hopes that I would erase the poverty I was living in, that I would get out of the little town my mom had moved us to, and to surpass my disempowerment. I silently had my goals and dreams and was relentless to pursue them but all the while the feeling was to be more so I can finally accept myself. I didn't care too much about being accepted, even in middle school or high school. I always felt really odd anyway, so my motivation accepting this, was very much and internal drive.
The Chariot is a card that visualizes this internal drive. Despite any obstacle the Chraiotteer moves forward. The Charioteer has the wand, the power to control the next movement. The Charioteer has the tenacity to create what they wish. The confusion I have had most of my life is that one is to try to move forward and forward despite what it does.
Seeking power can disempower.
The Chariot contains both light and dark, devil and god, ugly and beautiful. The Charioteer integrates and balances the two. The Charioteer are intuitively guided and while the will is there, so is the pausing to listen to all parts of self and to move forward from that place.
It's more of a methodical moving forward than a hurried one like you might see in a knight. It's Durga methodically killing off demons with full composure versus Kali indiscriminately ripping apart everything and getting drunk of demon's blood. Durga and Kali and the same being though and the Chariot, though I would associate with more calm and composed energy may have both energies residing at any or all times. The key is that The Charioteer can balance and master all to make it for them.
Seeking power of self through integration and balance is empowerment.
Chakras: Third Eye and Crown
Mantras for The Chariot:
Use following spread with tarot or oracle cards and/or use them as journaling prompts:
If you need any assistance determining what goals to focus on in the next year I have a Tarot Reading for the Year ahead for the beginning of the year or on your birthday! Check out my options here!
Being "on" all the time, filtering myself into digestible being on these platforms is exhausting. Don't you feel it sometimes? And again the benefits of the internet are great! I have met people that have changed my life as far away as Australia. I mean that's pretty damn cool. I got a lot out of my in person connections in my younger years too, but I also intuitively knew when to take a break. The winter is a great time to withdraw. I plan on focusing on my in person relationships even more and maybe even having a weekly day of solitude. Maybe some of you want to join me? Maybe I'll make it a challenge. :)
So this is what The Hermit is all about...withdrawing to learn more about herself; to find peace; to rest; to get back on track. Solitude. It make The Hermit a better teacher and leader to withdraw to others and a leader of her own life.Read More
I talk a lot about shadow work, a lot of us reader healer types do....like it’s so easy and not complex at all, but oh it is. There are ugly parts of me that I’ve had to comes to terms with but there is a danger to avoid that those parts of me exist or existed. Avoidance and pretending that we have transcended our ugliness stalls our growth and makes us fall into perfectionism and perfectionism freezes us. So I have found that the most important thing I can do is integrate these parts of myself.
Identity is something that it is so tempting to hold onto a little to tight. With white knuckles we grip so tightly onto an identity because it is our foundation and when we do something at odds with this proclaimed identity, our foundations shifts below us. That is never a good feeling. So it becomes a practice to notice our behaviors and to examine them as an outsider. I'll give you an embarassing example I have been an angry person...a very angry person in my life. Anger is something that I rarely show but it's there. I'm the kind of person that watches Democracy Now and yells at people on the screen. (Hence...why I no longer watch much of it...I don't want to scare my toddler) I am also the kind of person that used to get angry over my plans not going my way or that my partner forgot to put flea medicine on our fur babies. Now as I work as a healer, spiritual type person I am like "oh I musn't get angry" There is a shadow side of my anger for sure, but the anger also shows how passionate I am. It shows how important justice is to me. I just have to pick my battles concoiously. I am not all love and light all the time. Sometimes I am thorns and screaming. It's all me. So that is what I mean by integration. Transmuting something shameful into something that can be used as a tool. But also allowing the screams, the hideous to surface in ways that heal you.
Some will say that Santosha: Contentment, an Niyama in the Pantajali's Yoga Sutras is to approach everything with positivity and yeah to a certain extent...yes, but again it's a fine line between that and avoidance. So contentment to me is about acceptance . It's about finding peace with whatever is happening and being ok about it. It's letting whatever must surface, surface. Santosha is being completely satisfied now. It's looking at all your debt and accepting it, paying it off as you can. It's looking at your toddlers wet shirt that you just changed and just changing the shirt. Santosha. It's a gratitude practice. What is going well? What is happening NOW? It's refusing to be a victim to what is and instead become a hacker of your destiny. What can you do now? Maybe nothing...so accept it for now. Victim mentality is dangerous because it keeps you stuck. I mean how can you move forward if "everything is working against you" sheesh...
This is what Temperance is to me. It's the divine internal balance. It's balancing ourselves and finding harmony with the ugly, the beautiful and the wants, the needs and the haves. Temperance is there to remind us of our complexities and of our depths. It's about finding flow in the midst of chaos and being Santosha. And the thing is the more you overthink it, the more out of balance you become. It's like dancing or riding a bike. It's like anything you have to find flow with.
Chakras: Root and Crown
Mantras for Temperance:
Use following spread with tarot or oracle cards and/or use them as journaling prompts:
If you would like extra assistance with integration, I offer tarot rituals, yoga and reiki sessions online or in person in Kansas City! Check it out
The High Priestess is the gate keeper. She is you giving you access to all the knowledge that is kept deep inside. If you allow yourself to look behind the curtain, if you give yourself permission, what could happen? You can get help from us teachers, guides, healers, but you know what...we are only there to support you. The true wisdom...that's all you. I say in my readings often...that YOU KNOW...because you do. All that wisdom is there for you to access and sure you may not know now, but acting on what pieces you know liberates more wisdom. Are you brave enough to ask her, to ask you wha you truly want?
“I believe in intuitions and inspirations...I sometimes FEEL that I am right. I do not KNOW that I am.”
― Albert Einstein
Transformation is like right there...if we can make it through the winter.
"Death is not extinguishing the light, it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come." Rabindranath TagoreRead More
Me too. The gravity, the importance and the life altering power of these two words cannot be overestimated. When I typed them I realized it was almost easy because it felt like another person had been through the things that came into my mind so I am revisting my suffering...more on that in another post. Then I read all the other Me Toos and I was horrified. My heart broke knowing that so many people I admire and love have also been harmed. How many of us have kept quiet and brushed it off as just being part of what our lives is? Anyone who is non-white, non-gender conforming, non-hetero has felt this pain. It becomes part of life.
This is not ok.
As we share that we too have endured suffering and pain, we are healing the collective. Vulnerability is not easy. Every week I struggle for a bit, wanting to puke after I share so deeply. I share though because I feel like our stories can be powerful to heal the collective. Healing happens both inside of the island of ourselves, but also by us pouring forth what we have learned from the time on our island. Feelings of isolation are dangerous and only reinforce shame. Sharing our stories (even saying Me Too) is taking power away from that shame.
I’ve also been reflecting on what healing is and the power dynamics of healing. There is this idea that healing is all on the individual. If you would just try harder, you too could be healed. We forget, I forget, that suffering is systemic. There is much stacked against us, some of us more so than others. So healing must happen in the collective. It must happen with activism. Healing happens in the uncomfortable, in the muck, the ick. The manufacturing of love and light as the only way to healing is dangerous. It is dangerous even to make love and light our goal. We are complex beings made of both darkness and light. We are hell and we are heaven. It is human.
“Love and Light is meaningless without Truth and Justice” Layla Saad from Wild Mystic Woman
I come to you as a wounded healer, a teacher not because you can’t heal yourself. I feel like it is my role to guide you to your own wisdom. I cannot help but to teach. I heal myself by teaching. It is my part of the healing the collective.
This week we examine the Star and we examine healing. As you can see the topic is complex.
I guess this is where I tell you about my struggles with addiction. I mean it had to come up sometime right? Sometimes we imagine addicts Trainspotting style...sweaty, shaking for their next whatever, but addiction comes in so many forms. The root of addiction to me is a lack of control over one’s life. It’s when you have no will of your own and do what your addiction has you do. I’ve been addicted to many things in my life...alcohol, shitty relationships, perfectionism. Addiction doesn’t start with addiction though. It’s starts with a choice to abandon all. It’s a choice to surrender to what will entrap us. Each time I became addicted to something, to someone, I felt that small sliver of a moment when I had a choice to get out and I stayed. The Devil is about being stuck, feeling trapped, and not knowing that there is a way out. To me it’s about that small choice though...that sliver of time before you are fully addicted. Once fully addicted and you make a pact with whatever devil you are involved with and it can be very difficult to get out. Studies even tell us that one can literally not help themselves once addicted so it really isn’t that easy to stop behavior.Read More
Right now many of us are feeling the wheel of fortune...well disfortune in our home country. The United States is seemingly full of violence and chaos. Hurricanes and fires rip through homes. It all seems hopeless. It seems like we are spinning around this wheel, being tossed around a sea of what’s next. Am I going to fill this space speaking to you with words of hope? I wish I could do that so easily. I’m feeling just as hopeless and doomed as you are in this moment. I’m thinking of this word “hope” I used to roll my eyes at such things I saw engraved in stones or on t shirts. What the hell is there to be hopeful about? So I dug into definitions and found one that is sort of helping me...hope is a feeling of trust...as in a trust in oneself...of one’s divinity. Hope is to intend if possible to do something.Read More
The Empress is this bold fertility. She is the mother. She is beautiful and everything she touches grows to its best capacity. She is mother earth. She is what blooms around you, what you taste, smell, see, hear and feel. She is the nurturer of all creatures. She nurtures with ease and enjoys with ease. She is not afraid to be seen. She is life itself. She asks you to accept miracles and the divine even if you can’t explain it. She doesn’t ask what you’ve done to earn abundance. She instead asks you to live to what you truly want...to your greatest creative potential. She doesn’t ask us all to bear children or to paint beautiful pictures, but she does ask us to all create. She asks us as if it is our payment to live on the earth and in community. She asks what do you want to create? Why don’t you create it?Read More
Knowledge is the intermediary between us and our divinity, our sacred. Or rather if the word sacred or divine don't suit you, knowledge is the intermediary between us and our greatest, highest self. It is the intermediary between us and our freedom.Read More
We could hold onto the broken pieces of our home refusing to rebuild but what good what that do? Destruction is opportunity. Pain is opportunity. Feel every bit of it, learn from it and rebuild something more fitting for you now because we constantly evolve.Read More
It is a time for gratitude. It is a time to be in community. With the Moon we dug deep and were introspective. With the Sun, we find lightness through working with each other. The Moon is about Yin or internal, thoughtful intuitive work and the Sun is about external, active work.Read More
You are the MOON. You are both tame and you are primal. You are dark and you are light. You must contain both to be YOU. It is time to dig into the darkness, into the subconscious of your mind and to purposefully seek discomfort in order to find freedom. Your ultimate goal is to seek, to understand and to find harmony within your multitudes of self. It will not be easy but you can do it.Read More
You are the Magician. You have taken time to gain knowledge and become wise to the ways of the world. You have balanced the spiritual realms and the physical realms. You see no difference. As above so below. You are never lacking the tools you need to get what you want done because you can use anything. You are a master at making whatever you have magical. You are aware of your skills, your talents and your resources. You use them to do your best work by bringing what in unconscious, conscious.Read More
You are starting out, to you there are infinite possibilities. You have a beginner’s mind. The divine within that we all have within us isn’t too far from your mind or your heart. The inner child goes off naively but beautifully into the world. What the higher self and soul desires are not too far from your mind. You are without yet all the mess of conditioning. You can do whatever you want.Read More